Least hated Canadian province
09.28.06 (11:38 pm) [edit]I'm sorry to say that Canada is probably the most regional, fractious federation in the world not on the brink of civil war. But the Canadian networks do their best to put on a brave face, and rip off Canadian Idol from the Americans, and The Greatest Canadian from the British. What I think is more cost-effective would be to figure out what's the least bad about something Canadian.
Like I just said, Canada is the most "regional" so let's sit down and talk about what the regions hate about each other. IMO all the beefs come down to three things:
- Economics
- Politics
- Hockey, one way or another
British Columbia
It's a nice place, actually, in terms of climate. However, it does rain quite a bit on the west coast. The only time I hear about them on the news, it's about drug addiction, and the spread of HIV, and prevention methods and controversies. I don't know much about their hockey team, the Vancover Cannots except for Todd Bertuzzi, who has a thing or two in common with Colin Thatcher (see Saskatchewan below). That can't be good. And just being a western province automatically loses them demerit points in the east.
Alberta
This one doesn't even qualify. Before we had the Reform Party, we had the Oilers so named for the vast amounts of a certain natural resources that raised the labour class's standard to living to that of Czar faster than you could say Kyoto protocol. And I'll bet the term "enforcer" made it into hockey-speak sometime after they got Gretzky. So if the ostentatious oil and Oilers weren't enough, then you get the Western/Alberta-based Reform Party. When this "protest party" broke 50 seats in the House of Commons in '92, they caught enough attention that their opponents figured it was about time they were branded as white supremacists. This didn't do much to hurt their effectiveness in the legislature (or it didn't reduce their numbers, at least) but at the height of the recession (or depth, depending on your POV) Alberta-shaped doormats sure got fashionable fast. As the economy picked up, and Reform merged with some of the Progressive Conservatives to form the Canadian Alliance, and then watered themselves down further by merging with the rest of the PCs to form the New Conservative Party, they lost some of their steam--or maybe I should say, the rest of Canada steamed less over Alberta. However, the fear-mongering retured for a whole new season as the Conservatives threatened to form a government. And now that they have, if Stephen Harper can manage to stay prime minister for another 6 months, he'll be the first non-Québecois prime minister I've ever had for as long as a year. So what do you think that's going to do to ease tensions?
I'll talk about Albertan exothermic hatred when I get to "equalization payments" later.
Beyond meta-fiction
09.12.06 (11:51 pm) [edit]Oddest thing happened to me yesterday. I was sitting around in Helmut Kohl Plaza--completely unaware that I was smoking a cigarette--and regarding the finest detail on the marble that lined the floors and much of the walls. Come to think of it, I really don't know how I knew that it was called Helmut Kohl Plaza, especially since it isn't. Anyway, there passed shoppers, and people exiting the subway, and probably their places of business, with their various BMIs, races, and cell phone usages. So I was basically experiencing a bunch of things in this very city that are not worth writing home about, or even blogging about under normal circumstances. So, you can imagine my surprised with the company I then met. A character known as Puddleglum approached me. This really blew ma mind.
Now, I know I'm in a plaza somewhere. And I haven't read a Narnia tale in quite sometime, but from what I remember, he is someone who is not supposed to be skulking about a 21st century shopping centre. This really bothered my world view. Here I was living a life in a world where capitalism is the best thing we got, broken marriages, shows like Bumfights, car accidents, dirty windows, pedophiles, home security systems, Eminem, and toothpaste with extra whitening, and here I am, forced to reconcile the presence of Puddleglum when I'm not even reading any book.
The only time I'd been to Narnia, I had seriously intended to put on a ring. (I know, you're supposed to actually put on a ring, but I was able to get there by intention) And that was supposed to be the only connection between this world an that. And in that world, all of that world was to stay--I was to be the only thing went from there to here.
So this was pretty embarassing, actually; talking to a fantasy-fiction character in a public place like this. Fortunately, I was able to behave very natural about the whole thing, and think I smoothed it all over very well. But I was till left with the problem of dealing with my old, awkward friend. I don't think he knew what to say, but he did make it clear that I wasn't going to get rid of him anytime soon. I'm dying to know what was going through his head, and shortly after he continued on his way. However, I will always have had that encounter for the rest of my days. Even though he took just about everything he was out of the building, at the very least, some of his dead skin cells were exfoliated, and I probably injested some of them. My imune system won't be in a big hurry to exorcise them, so they will linger in time. Then, of course, I can't rule out Narian magic, of which I know nothing about.
I wish they would leave me alone. If I can't go back to that stupid place, at least let me live consistently in this one. Bloody make-believe characters thinking they own the place.
Avian flue
09.10.06 (8:06 pm) [edit]'Bet you never heard that pun before :p
I heard these strange sounds up my chimney, and since there wasn't any rain or wind, I figured some pesky animals were up to no good. As I opened up the flue, I heard what sounded an awful lot like a bird flapping. He sounded like he was making a lot of honest attempts to leave, so I figured that he must be injured, since he wasn't making it out. I guess most birds can't fly vertically very well. That might be why hummingbirds' flight has been compared to that of a helicopter's, in a unique-sounding way.
Since this bird seemed to be content to flap around my flue, I decided to leave him there, rather than open the way out into my home, but decided if he actually dropped down into the fireplace, I might open the screen to the fireplace and my front door, and try to persuade him to go that way.
A short time later, the sounds from my living room were less muffled, so I figured he was trying his luck w/the fireplace. Sure enough, he was hopping around the logs from last March, tollerating me w/in a few feet, as long as the screen was closed. I can't guess what breed he is. He certainly isn't any sparrow or blackbird I've ever seen around these parts. So I opened my front door, and the screen to the fireplace, and took pics while I waited for him to venture forth. Eventually he had the courage to fly into my living room, followed by the wanton cowardice to fly straight into my window, which is unfortunately much closer to the fireplace. After closing my fireplace, so as not to arrive back at square-1 again, I slowly walked towards the window that he was persistently driving his little body into, on the opposite side of where I wanted him to go (which was towards the front door) he bolted for that front door and out through it. After that, all I was left were some pics, wood ash on the floor, and birdy blood on my window--poor little guy.
If I can figure out how to add images, I'll show you what he looks like.
Met someone
09.06.06 (10:34 am) [edit]I met someone last night. We talked, we ate, we put more money in the parking meter, we talked... She denies she's a cougar, so, being who I am, I've nicknamed her the Cougar. The nicknames I give to people either trivialize who they are to me, or are ironic. The reason this came up is that she's 15 years my senior. I guess that's what's on my mind the most.
This isn't simply a matter of her being 150% of my age, but what influence someone like that would have on me. She's decent, very intelligent, well-educated, and we have a lot in common. But I knew that already. My philosophy is who chooseth me must give and hazard all [she] hath or less plagiaristicly, I would want whomever I'm with to want to be something of what I am, and of course, I would want to be something of what she is. This is key to perfection, or at least, contributes much to my fullfillment. Since I feel I've been ripped off of much of my youth, do I want to my age to be artifically accelerated in this way?